Should My Autistic Child Go to Preschool?

If you have the option of keeping an autistic child at home until they're old enough for kindergarten, should you do it? The answer will depend on a number of factors including:

  • Your child's needs, challenges, and preferences
  • Your community's offerings and openness to an autistic toddler
  • The availability of an appropriate preschool or preschool program
  • Your personal ability and willingness to work with your child on building social communication skills
  • The availability of in-school or out-of-school therapists at a cost you can afford
Classroom aide working with children coloring at a table
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Pros and Cons of a Home Setting

Pros: A home setting can be ideal for autistic preschoolers. It provides a familiar and secure setting that is personalized to your child's needs, and it can be a convenient setting for the occupational therapy that can be helpful for some autistic children. Sensory input can be controlled, and expectations remain consistent throughout the day. Some therapists feel that the familiarity of home is conducive to learning. Still, others feel that there are no better options.

Developmental and play therapies are generally given by parents in a natural setting. Specialized preschools and clinics may not even offer these programs.

Parents should seek out support instead of undergoing everything alone. School districts and/or regional agencies offer support as well as therapists, and autism support groups are great sources for playdates and other community opportunities. A great way to start accessing these options is to contact your local autism agency for early intervention services and to connect with local support groups to meet other parents or caregivers as well as autistic adults. A marker of a healthy community group is one that includes autistic adults and guardians in leadership and attendance.

It is important for parents to do their own research into the effectiveness and likelihood of causing post-traumatic when deciding which therapies or none are best for their child. It is equally as important that this information is sourced from reliable sources, which are largely those endorsed by autistic adults. The Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) is one autistic-led organization, and it published a helpful report on therapies called "For Whose Benefit?: Evidence, Ethics, and Effectiveness of Autism Interventions."

Cons: On the other hand, the choice of at-home care means that someone, usually a guardian, must be willing and able to stay at home with the child. The stay-at-home parent is unlikely to have the time and energy for a regular job in addition to all their domestic and caregiving work. What's more, most autistic children do best in a very routinized, predictable setting. If you have other young children or are working from home, a home setting can become unpredictable, loud, and even chaotic.

Beyond the obvious and critical issue of finances, the role of stay-at-home parent is not for every family. The role may entail acting as a therapist for at least part of the day, working with your child to regulate their emotions, and acting as a filter for the many early intervention processes aimed at autistic children. While this kind of care-work can be interesting and even stimulating, caring for children can be difficult and exhausting.

Pros and Cons of a Preschool Setting

Pros: In many communities, partial or full-day preschool is available free of charge to all families. Autistic children not only receive academic instruction but also (in most cases) receive at least some in-school therapy. Many areas also have at least a few private preschool programs that are specifically geared to children with disabilities. Depending on your child's needs and the offerings available (and, of course, your finances), a private preschool could be a great match.

Preschools for autistic children are often (though not always) staffed by people who are specifically trained to be knowledgeable about autistic children and their needs. Parents should make sure to thoroughly vet the quality and impact of staff certifications, as many widely supported therapies can result in autistic children being traumatized.

Preschools are structured, consistent, and have all the tools at hand to work on skills ranging from social interaction to fine motor coordination. Preschools also offer the very significant benefit of a community of peers and their parents, something that can be very tough to create from the ground up if you are not autistic yourself.

Cons: While the ideal preschool setting can be terrific, the fact is that many preschools are far from ideal. You may find that your child is getting little out of the experience, or is even having a negative experience. You may discover that the so-called "trained" personnel are actually teacher's aides who once went to a lecture on autism. You may learn that the other children in your child's group are far more or less disabled than your child, making socialization and learning difficult.

If your child is at a general preschool, even with early intervention services, you may find that neurotypical children (or more likely their parents) may be less than willing to reach out and include your child (and you) in their social groups and out-of-school activities.

A Word From Verywell

Whether you choose home or preschool, it's important to remember that you can always change your mind, or even mix and match. There is no absolute right or wrong; the answer you reach will relate very specifically to your family, your location and, of course, your child. As you consider your decision, ask yourself these questions:

  • Can we afford to have one parent stay at home?
  • How does the potential stay-at-home parent feel about an at-home role? Will they feel resentful, exhausted, or overwhelmed? Or, alternatively, would they feel engaged, excited, and energized?
  • What does your child want or need? If your child is relatively social and engaged, and/or fits well into an existing preschool program, it may make sense to give preschool a try. If your child seems to need a lot of 1:1 interaction (and you can and want to provide it), home could be a great option.
  • What do your other children need?
2 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Dawson M, Fletcher-Watson S. When autism researchers disregard harms: A commentary. Autism. 2022;26(2):564-566.

  2. Estes A, Munson J, Dawson G, Koehler E, Zhou X-H, Abbott R. Parenting stress and psychological functioning among mothers of preschool children with autism and developmental delayAutism. 2009;13(4):375-387. doi:10.1177/1362361309105658

Additional Reading
Lisa Jo Rudy

By Lisa Jo Rudy
Lisa Jo Rudy, MDiv, is a writer, advocate, author, and consultant specializing in the field of autism.